Sep 12, 2014 Dating should be fun, even if a little exhausting at times. Dating over the age of 50 isn't always pretty. You know yourself better than you did at 30, but you have less patience for the endless BS - and it is endless - and it's difficult to find someone with whom you want to spend however much time you have left. Mar 22, 2017 To help you get the most of your time, we talked to dating coaches who specialize in midlife relationships to learn the 11 myths (and the truths they’re hiding) about dating over 50. Myth #1: Men and women who have children or are divorced have more baggage than those who never married. The Truth: Everyone has baggage, it’s not exclusive to.

There are a lot of misconceptions about men and women dating over 50 and what they do and don’t want in a relationship. Many assume they’re more committed, mature, and ready for a relationship, or that they’re possibly looking for someone younger. But are they really?

Dating over 50 can be and incredibly fun and rewarding experience. You know more about yourself, what you want, and other people you’re interested in. But it has its challenges too.

To help you get the most of your time, we talked to dating coaches who specialize in midlife relationships to learn the 11 myths (and the truths they’re hiding) about dating over 50.

Myth #1: Men and women who have children or are divorced have more baggage than those who never married.
The Truth: Everyone has baggage, it’s not exclusive to divorced people with children. “Even those who may have children without having been married or those who never married or had children may have elderly parents that need special care,” says Davida Rappaport, a psychic, personal growth counselor, and mature dating expert. “Most mature men and women do not abandon their responsibilities and obligations. This can impact any prospective dating situation, kids or no kids.”

Myth #2:Men and women aren’t interested in sex after age 50.
The Truth: Certain medical conditions that come with age—menopause or impotence for example—can make sex more difficult, but it doesn’t negate the fact that most people, regardless of age, still want and enjoy sex. “In a Gallup survey sponsored by the North American Menopause Society, 51 percent of postmenopausal women reported being happiest and most fulfilled between the ages of 50 and 65,” notes Bobbi Palmer, a dating and relationship coach for women over 40 and founder of Date Like a Grownup.

Myth #3: Men still love the chase.
The Truth: Even if they once were that guy, most grownup men no longer see the value in the challenge of chasing women. “First, the woman-to-man ratio is now in their favor and they don’t have to compete like they did in their 20s. Also, their hormones have mellowed and they have broadened their vision of themselves; reducing the need to rack up sexual conquests,” says Palmer. Not to mention, midlife men have more responsibilities and don’t have the time and energy to play cat and mouse.

Myth #4:Men and women in their 50s are looking for someone their own age.
The Truth: In some instances, yes. However, a large portion of these daters still behave like they’re in their 20s and 30s. “Some older men may be motivated by eye appeal and still want what they wanted back then, or still desire to have children with someone younger. While some women are looking for age-appropriate men, some still like younger men,” says Rappaport.

Myth #5:Daters over 50 are looking for a wealthy partner who can support them.
The Truth: Men and women over 50 are looking for someone who is at a similar financial level; someone who can carry his/her own weight. “They prefer someone who will desire a similar level of extravagance of lifestyle in terms of recreation and travel, and can eventually share equally in expenses,” says Heidi Krantz, a certified dating coach and founder of Reinvention Life Coaching.

Myth #6: Men and women become less selective as they get older.

The Truth: Men and women are just as picky as they were when they were younger. “They may want a partner that is still attractive with a nice body; they may request someone who looks their age and whose body is less than perfect. People still look for a type which can become harder and harder to find once someone reaches their late 50s and beyond,” says Rappaport.

Myth #7:Men in midlife want younger women. Therefore, older women are at a disadvantage because there are more, younger options for older men.
The Truth: There are plenty of men who want to date someone their own age or older! “The reality is that in that deal-breaker list that most people who date have, age is a sliding number. What people really look for is attraction, and that can be a mystique, a spark, a great sense of humor or a compatibility based on feeling really good when you’re with that person,” says April Masini, a relationship and etiquette expert.

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Myth #8: Men and women in midlife don’t need love. They’re fine on their own.
The Truth: The need to love and be loved remains strong throughout our lives.Palmer points to a study by AARP that showed 70% of 50-64 year-olds and 63% of people 65+ reported being currently in love. Of those over 65, 46% reported being passionately in love. “Don’t underestimate the intensity with which we can both give and receive love later in life,” says Palmer.

Myth#9:Daters over 50 are more mature and have learned how to treat prospective dates respectfully.
The Truth: Some people never grow up which can be why they’re still on the market. “Some older men will still treat women disrespectfully—they catfish, ghost, and all of the other things that their younger counterparts are doing. Self- esteem issues, in both men and women, can still exist and they may not be able to handle things in a mature, adult manner,” says Rappaport. The reality is, it doesn’t matter what someone’s age is, some people just do not want relationships and are only interested in hookups.

Myth #10:Men don’t desire women over 50.
The Truth: Men in midlife care a lot less about your appearance than they do about your enthusiasm, your interest, and your enjoyment. “While appearance is always important, many women feel paralyzed because they don’t have the body they did the last time they were single—sometimes decades ago. They may be surprised to find that they are desirable when they feel desirable,” says Masini.

Myth #11: People who are dating over 50 are dating to get married again.
The Truth: Not necessarily. Men and women dating over 50 have often experienced marriage previously; sometimes for many years. “After a divorce, they often spend time healing and become very accustomed to their own space, their independent lives, and their interactions with their adult children. Although they do desire companionship and even love, many are not interested in cohabitating or marrying,” says Krantz.

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For those women over 50 who are reentering the dating scene, it’s hard to know what to expect. In many ways, dating men is still the same as when you were in your twenties – communication remains key, intimacy is still awkward – but, with age and experience, comes some key differences.

We asked dating experts, Valerie Gibson, author of Later Dater: A Guide for Newly Single Women Over 50, and Ronnie Ann Ryan, the Dating Coach for Women, about the six things they should know about men in their 50s.

He wants someone close to his age. Despite what Hollywood May-December pairings suggest, Gibson says a man in his 50s wants to date a woman close to his own age. “Most men are looking for women closer to their own age because they understand and have had similar experiences,” says Gibson. “They know women over 50 understand the aging process and men who are like themselves. Men want support from someone who does understand them. They don’t just want a trophy wife.”

He has emotional baggage. Men over 50 have lived a life already — many of whom are either widowed or divorced — which means he might be carrying some residual trauma from his past. “If he has kids or an ex-wife in the picture, the drama isn’t going to get better,” says Ryan. “You have to decide if you want that. A lot of drama doesn’t create love. You have to ask, ‘is that worth it?’”

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Gibson puts it another way: “Yes, he will have considerable baggage, but so do you. That’s not to be forgotten. You might have been married and/or have children, so it’s important to remain flexible on these issues.” But, as Ryan advises, be sure you’re still his priority.

He craves emotional support. Men who find themselves single in their 50s have often been married for many years, so they continue to desire the companionship and emotional support they once shared. However, his longing for closeness might not be all what it seems. “Men like and appreciate feminine support,” Ryan says. “They’ll look for emotional support with a woman and she’ll think, ‘oh, he must like me,” and often times, he just needs the emotional support. He will pursue her through text and online just for that. The woman will then assume they are in a relationship, but they’re really not.” What to do? Clarify your relationship status, stat.

He might be old-fashioned. Men in their 50s come from a time when it was expected of them to make the first move. “Let him ask you out, contact you again for the next date and be the pursuer,” advises Ryan. If you enjoyed his company, let him know. “Tell him you had a good time and thank him for choosing a good restaurant or whatever he did,” says Ryan. “Appreciation is important. And offer a compliment – tell him he’s funny, easy to talk to – whatever comes to mind.”

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He wants to get intimate. “Men in their 50s do enjoy sex. A lot of people think men and women over 50 don’t enjoy it, but it’s not true,” says Gibson. However, Gibson says it’s vital to communicate what you’re looking for whether it’s a relationship or something more casual. She also notes the rampant STDs within the 50+ age group. People over 50 are having multiple partners without using protection, because many are not used to using contraception, such as condoms.

Ryan advises to hold off on intimacy until the relationship is monogamous, or at least the sixth date, if you’re wondering whether he will stick around after the deed. “Watch for consistency in behavior,” she says. “What he does is what matters most, not what he says he’ll do.” And keep in mind that what 50-year-old men want in bed is different than younger men.

He might have health issues. “A lot of women don’t think about health issues. They think they’ll meet the next George Clooney. He’s going to be fit as a fiddle and all these dreamy things,” says Gibson. “But men over 50 do have health issues, and some of them are quite serious. You may come across diabetes, heart problems, erectile dysfunction…You have to ask questions and decide what suits your needs and desires.”

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